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When Autocorrect Ducks You Over!

How many times in the day do you end up saying, “Damn You AUTOCORRECT?!” Lost count? Worry not. All of us have been through similar situations.

So, coming back to the point, did you send ’Take card’ instead of ‘Take care’. Of course, that makes no sense! You’re probably expressing concern or wishing someone a speedy recovery, but really you just sound like you’re very crassly offering your business card to them. That too, over text messaging!

While innovations in technology have attempted to make our life easier with shortcuts that CUT SHORT the time of an activity, it has made our life kind of complicated as well. At times, instead of walking in a straight line you end up on a zigzag path that takes you everywhere but your destination.  

Yes, autocorrect is here to, well, SIMPLIFY our daily message typing process.  Oh, the vagaries of a fast-paced lifestyle! But when you send a f**k instead of a “disk” or a “duck” you have entered the vicinity of a zone known as ‘COMPLICATION 51’. Err, like ‘Area 51’?! Alien invasion of basic syntax, anyone?

So, here is a list of words that often get autocorrected to strange and inappropriate terms, confusing the receiver, and… well, ducking you over!

  • I Wish Know Typing “I will know.” becomes “I wish know.” One, this makes no sense. Two, maybe you wish you knew but the receiver sure thinks you absolutely DO NOT KNOW. You could just sort this out with your bud. And if it’s your boss, then a simple apology may resolve the problem, followed by which you could go hide under a rock.

  • Are you crazy to Are you craving? “Are you crazy?”  becomes “Are you craving?” This is so out-of-context. You’re getting outraged at someone, making them feel like quite the fool, and yet it sounds like you think they’re going through PMS and desperately need some chocolate. Come to think of it, this could turn out to be a pretty helpful autocorrect fail!

  • Are you sure to Are you surviving? Now how the hell does autocorrect manage to change an “Are you sure?” to “Are you surviving?” Unbelievable! Your intent is to question someone’s certainty about something. What you end up questioning is their very ability to exist, possibly sending them into some deep pit of introspection where they muse on the meaning of life and end up being way too UNSURE of pretty much everything.

  • Down Changes to Download And this is the limit when you are telling your boyfriend “I’m down.” And that changes to “I’m download.” Have you suddenly become available for download?  That is indeed a cause for intense concern, both for you and your boyfriend. God help you!

  • I Like your Gas! If you are trying to impress your crush with a cheesy line, and if the message goes as “I like your Gas!” instead of “I like your face!” you will never be taken seriously. If they are understanding enough, they may come to love you despite thinking you have unusual fetishes for bodily emissions. If they’re not very understanding, however, then good luck to you for ever clearing your name of being the ultimate fart-lover.

Though autocorrect is the new age ‘Grammar Nazi’ feature, do not put your faith and trust in it blindly. Believe in your grammatical skills too and go by instinct! Else you will be as sorry as a cat on a hot tin roof tackling verbal spats, glaring looks and horrible repentance.  

Happy typing!  



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